eh so


today I feel...

Ash and I ended up going to his place last night just because I was really stressed and honestly couldn’t handle being home for whatever reason. To begin with, I was still feeling funny and I couldn’t really muster up any kind of appetite so that sucked, that and I had to figure out the introduction for my ENC revision project- never fun to do when you’re not feeling well. So needless to say, we ended up ordering Papa Johns buffalo wings and chicken strips..and that was dinner. Mad healthy right? Well uhm I did throw in an apple at the end so SUPER! I ended up finishing my intro draft, printing everything out and then I believe we managed to be in bed by midnight. I’m really glad we got to go to his place last night. We practically live together. It’s actually his mom’s place but she travels a lot so him and I usually end up just staying there together most of the time, we get pretty comfortable. I feel a lot better mornings I wake up next to him and that held true for this morning. I felt pretty rested thankfully- yet still off. So due to shitty traffic (and maybe we left a BIT late :P) I barely made it to stats on time and of course when I get in there what am I faced with? We’ll call her J.

So I definitely make this out to be more dramatic then it is but for purposes of blogging- why not? I mean you read this bullshit to entertain yourself, obviously. Or out of boredom. Or you may even be creepy? ha- ew. WELL in any case J is this chick i’ve known since first semester. We’re “acquaintances” but for whatever reason (maybe because she tries to make friends, like most people do, wow) she keeps making attempts at inviting me out to other places. Now i’ve really tried to bring myself out of my antisocial funk. REALLY. but the people I keep meeting just don’t seem worth it. They’re either all acting as if they’re still in high school, or they’re just not the kind of people i’d care to really associate with. That and there’s just some people you don’t hit it off with, and no offense to her- shes one of them.

So anyways I’ve been sucked into sitting next to her every class (because she saves me a seat…once again don’t know why) and that’s whatever because I guess I could use a seat sure but she kinda bothers me. Certain things she does and says exemplifies what I don’t like in girls and why I don’t have many girl friends.SO to simplify this for you, as I am rambling already , I have prepared a list

THE “What Ava does not like in girls” List

1. Grabby chicks. You know, you walk into class, put your sunglasses on the table while you’re searching for your case, grabby chick grabs them and puts them on. My issue? back the fuck off my shit. Oh they’re hurting your eyes? maybe because they’re prescription HUR DUR. next,

2. Chicks who think it’s alright to casually call you a bitch. If you’re like ” mah girl” or whatever, this is fine. You’re my bitch, i’m your hoe. Otherwise, don’t joke around about me being a bitch. Yes, I took my highlighter back from you, why call me bitch? we’re not close enough where we can have skank name wars. stfu.

3. Chicks who take and use your stuff without asking. This goes for people in general I suppose, but since I already hate chicks It goes TEN TIMES AS HARD. Don’t take the highlighter that I was just using to highlight my sociology notes and start coloring in the wings of your paper airplane with it. I take my highlighters seriously. They are expensive, difficult to maintain, and I use them frequently for things of importance. OH and the sticky page tab notes that come in my highlighter? It’s not cool to just rip one off and put one on your plane. I will steal it back and put it in my planner. If you respond by calling me a bitch, I will deem you officially a waste of my time and will make no further attempts to even pretend I like or want to hang out with you.

YES that happened today. NEXT.

4.Chicks who say “Well my major is ____ but really, I just want to be a housewife”. K SO AWESOME, glad you’re taking up the oxygen in college classrooms when your biggest aspiration is to leech off of some guy and bare his “eversoprecious” children. I’m sorry ladies I think we’ve made progress enough in the world where we can aspire to more than just being a housewife. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family, loving kids, or wanting to take care of your husband. NOTHING. but it shouldn’t be like your life dream, imo. There’s a better way to contribute to the world than having more of yourself walking it.

5. Chicks who play with their gum. This is self explanatory. Are we twelve or something? Chew your gum, don’t take it out of your mouth, twirl it, put it back in OH! and then grab my highlighter. Awesome. being insanely germ anal as I am I now have to use my santizer to de-germ my highlighter thatyouweren’tevensupposedtobetouching. We wonder why everyones so fucking afraid of a pandemic happening. Newsflash: it’s because people don’t wash their hands or respect one anothers personal space. It’s really simple as that. If you’re coughing up blood, stay home.


So Stats went alright, as good as it could go when you can’t understand the professor. So I moved on to English and that was nothing really worth mentioning. The red death was there to greet me today and it has only worsened my mood. I need a milkshake. Someone give me a milkshake. Please.

Anthropology, which is a drag because it feels rather like a high school class (she’ll literally come up behind you to make sure whatever you’re doing is only related to her lecture and then threaten to take your name down and throw you out if its not) and although attendance isn’t mandatory I feel obligated to go, as if you don’t show up she threatens to not send you the study guide. Being as no one actually reads the book (at least that’s the vibe i’ve gotten) it’s worth it to show up if it means i’ll end up passing in the end.

After that I ended up going for lunch with my ex boyfriend. For all intensive purposes we shall call him Y. Cool right? Y is a good letter. Because I honestly don’t know Y I dated him



no he’s not a terrible guy. I can’t really damn him. We just didn’t work in any case. Oh and he’s kinda weird. yeah. We had an ok lunch and some ok conversation. He’s pretty much the only person I know who still keeps in contact with a lot of the old high school friends so it’s nice to hear what’s been going on from time to time. The only thing that sucked is that our hang out sessions ended like they usually do, with him wanting to see my mom.

Just to fill you in, my parents pretty much loved my ex, and they still do. I think. At least, every time I call them out on it they refuse to admit it , but I know they do. It’s nauseating. So, because i’m getting sick of typing and to make a long story short, my mother and I are now at war because every time Y is over she attempts to gang up on me with him (always over something stupid about myself, you know stupid flaws) and I ended up crying and shit while he was here. So great, vulnerable looking in front of Y. Fighting with my mom, and then when he left I was still miserable. What ever I give up. I need to move on and just realize that it’s always going to happen and I can’t control what my mom thinks of me or the fact that I can’t really talk to Y anymore like I used to. You lose some you win some.

This makes me want to ask however, if anyone actually ends up reading this:

Have you ever found that your family “holds” onto a past relationship of yours more than you do?

I’m not expecting a response but I guess it would be cool if someone could relate.



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